Sexual expression is a natural and essential aspect of human relationships, yet every individual has their unique sexual style and preferences that contribute to the overall experience. Sexual style can include a wide range of sexual behaviours, expressions, fantasies, and attitudes towards intimacy, which can impact sexual satisfaction and relationship quality (DeLamater & Koepsei, 2015). Understanding one’s sexual style and their partner’s can be crucial in cultivating a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship.
One approach to explore sexual styles and preferences is through the application of sensate focus, a therapeutic technique that involves exploring and nurturing physical sensations and pleasure through touch. Sensate focus is often applied as an effective, practical, and easy psycho-education approach for couples who experience sexual problems or difficulties, and it has been found to be effective in enhancing sexual intimacy and improving sexual dysfunction (Avery-Clark et al., 2019, as cited in Hamdollahi et al., 2021).
Sensate focus with couples involves primarily two stages. The first stage focuses on non-sexual touch, where partners take turns touching each other’s bodies in a non-sexual way with focus on the pressure, texture, and temperature of the touching process (Weiner & Avery-Clark, 2017). The objective is to focus on the physical sensations of touch rather than sexual arousal. The second stage builds on the first, with partners gradually increasing the intensity of their touch until they engage in sexual activity.
The use of sensate focus can help individuals explore their sexual preferences and styles in a non-judgmental and safe environment. It allows partners to focus on physical sensations and pleasure, which can enhance intimacy and sexual satisfaction. Moreover, sensate focus can be useful for individuals who have experienced sexual trauma or anxiety and need to rebuild trust and connection with their own bodies as well as with their partners.
Research has also shown that the application of sensate focus can be effective in treating sexual dysfunction, such as premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction (Weiner & Avery-Clark, 2014). Furthermore, sensate focus can help couples overcome issues related to desire discrepancy, where one partner has a higher or lower level of sexual desire/libido than the other. Sensate focus can also facilitate partners develop a deeper understanding of each other’s sexual preferences and build a more fulfilling sexual relationship.
In conclusion, understanding one’s sexual style and their partner’s is crucial in cultivating a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship. The application of sensate focus can provide a safe and effective way to explore sexual preferences and styles, enhance intimacy and sexual satisfaction, and address sexual problems and difficulties. It can help individuals and couples build trust, connection, and a deeper understanding of each other’s sexual desires and needs.
To learn more about how sensate focus can be incorporated into couple’s therapy, feel free to reach out!
References:
DeLamater, J., & Koepsei, E. (2015). Relationships and sexual expression in alter life: A biopsychosocial perspective. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 30(1), 37-59. https://doi.org/10.1080/14681994.2014.939506
Hamdollahi, E., Shahali, S., Lamyian, M., & Hosseini, F. (2021). Effects of sensate focus technique on female sexual function after vaginal delivery. Sexologies, 30(4), e163-e170. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sexol.2021.07.003
Weiner, L., & Avery-Clark, C. (2014). Sensate focus: Clarifying the Masters and Johnson’s model. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 29(3), 307–319. https://doi.org/10.1080/14681994.2014.892920
Weiner, L., & Avery-Clark, C. (2017). Sensate focus in sex therapy. Routledge.